published by A Thin Slice of Anxiety
the blood leaks back /into the chambers of my heart /the valves don’t seal properly /they don’t do /what they’re supposed to /because something is damaged /leaving my heart open /just enough to bleed in itself /vulnerable to complications because /it doesn’t close itself off /a literal bleeding heart /and i think that’s absurd /that i live the way my defected heart does /never closing myself /off to loving and feeling /bleeding just enough to /affect me /the doctors said i shouldn’t need treatment /if i am careful /if i take care /of my heart /and listen to its rhythm /and i try my best /but when i reach as deep /as i do its always /a risk /and i can’t protect my heart /the doctors said i shouldn’t need surgery /to correct the complication /but an incision to remove /the ghosts i carry inside it /might stop the palpitations and aches /and i was told that there’s something wrong /with me /that my heart can’t expel /everything because /it needs to hold on /it needs to feel /because something is damaged /and the doctor said i should be fine /if the murmur subsides /and the echo of those i have loved /expires /and i should survive if /i keep an eye on it /if i remain stable and /i don’t put myself through /unnecessary pain /because my heart works a little harder /to pump out the blood that only /falls back in /it works a little harder /to function as normal /and i work a little harder /to keep it from feeling /too much /too acutely /and the doctors said i should be okay /as long as i don’t /lead myself astray